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Work is great, apartment is great -- super busy.
Long conversation with one of the apartmentmates the other night about past breakups. "It could be a really great memory later," he says, I laugh and it's got a bitter edge, "well, were you in love with him?" he asks. I pause, and cop out with "I'm still not objective enough about it to answer that." "If you don't know the answer, maybe that means no," he says, and I flinch hard and the need to contradict tenses and gets ready to spring from my tongue.
But I don't want to say "yeah, I was in love with him," maybe because I really want to say "yeah, I'm still in love with him," which I don't want to say because I'm kind of terrified that it might be true (in spite of many things). So slowly I cop out again, kind of, with "Or maybe I know the answer and don't want to admit it."
I should move on. But I don't think I can force it, which bugs me, because I don't like not being in control of my life, even just the pacing.
Shipping cookies to my brother tomorrow, who richly deserves them for his help when I moved out of EC. I've been promising them to him for weeks, I'll bet he'll be surprised that I actually finally followed through. Hopefully they will survive shipping.
Speaking of shipping, my team lead says I totally have the new office record for shortest time from start date to having code in production. He was probably kidding, and if not, it's still more about the circumstances than about my ability or lack thereof, but I am enjoying doing real stuff and having parts of a real product be mine (already!). Hurrah for the constant release cycle of web products...
Long conversation with one of the apartmentmates the other night about past breakups. "It could be a really great memory later," he says, I laugh and it's got a bitter edge, "well, were you in love with him?" he asks. I pause, and cop out with "I'm still not objective enough about it to answer that." "If you don't know the answer, maybe that means no," he says, and I flinch hard and the need to contradict tenses and gets ready to spring from my tongue.
But I don't want to say "yeah, I was in love with him," maybe because I really want to say "yeah, I'm still in love with him," which I don't want to say because I'm kind of terrified that it might be true (in spite of many things). So slowly I cop out again, kind of, with "Or maybe I know the answer and don't want to admit it."
I should move on. But I don't think I can force it, which bugs me, because I don't like not being in control of my life, even just the pacing.
Shipping cookies to my brother tomorrow, who richly deserves them for his help when I moved out of EC. I've been promising them to him for weeks, I'll bet he'll be surprised that I actually finally followed through. Hopefully they will survive shipping.
Speaking of shipping, my team lead says I totally have the new office record for shortest time from start date to having code in production. He was probably kidding, and if not, it's still more about the circumstances than about my ability or lack thereof, but I am enjoying doing real stuff and having parts of a real product be mine (already!). Hurrah for the constant release cycle of web products...