life, the universe, and ineffability

[godream]

Okay, so an informal poll has concluded that nobody actually gets what terms such as "date" mean. And both girls and guys are always complaining about how completely bewildering the opposite sex is. So here's the solution.

Back in Victorian times, ladies would carry fans which (besides, y'know, being an inadequate but better-than-nothing substitute for air conditioning if you are wearing a corset and a dress the size of a small city) served as a sneaky method of communication. I hate you, I love you, don't tell anyone, go away, kiss me already you bastard, all without actually having to say anything at all.

Tragically fans are a little less in vogue in the 21st century, and although the idea of the artfully held iPod has some charm to it, in the end I doubt it's quite so versatile (plus you probably don't want to risk dropping it just to tell someone "sorry, let's just be friends".) Instead, I propose adding comments into all relationship-related e-mail.

C'mon, think about it. In my book, trying to talk to guys I'm interested in rates as at least as difficult and incomprehensible as the worst kind of coding; it seems just as necessary to put in notes so that someone who didn't write the material in question can figure out what the point is. (If you're old-fashioned you can even opt for footnotes instead.) You can send your normal mysterious e-mail: "Hi, I've got this extra ticket to the xyz concert on Thursday night and I was wondering if you'd like to come with me?" And then you can say what you actually mean: /*I really like you, do you feel the same way?*/ or /*I only like you as a friend but you're the only person I know who can stand band xyz so please come/* or /*I'm not sure yet how I feel about you but I'm curious enough to want to find out./*

(You wouldn't even have to limit it to romantic relationships. "I'm sorry I can't make the dinner but I'm terribly unavoidably busy that night. /*I'd like to see you but if I have to make conversation with your sketchy cousin one more time I'm going to start killing things./*")

And of course nobody would be allowed to directly acknowledge the comments (just like a compiler, you're not allowed to officially notice them in any way), it'd be a major social faux pas. You could actually explain how you felt without having to admit that you were doing so, and getting offended at comments would be totally strictly against the rules -- so you could be completely direct and honest and none of this playing hard-to-get, reading body language, picking up emotional radar bullshit would have to exist at all. So there.

Comments

[cassandraia.livejournal.com]

It would be cool, but since there is little interpretation required, most people wouldn't et up the nerve to say it, even if it didn't have to be acknowledged. Because then, acknowledging or not could have a whole gamut of meanings and uncertainty which only creates angst for the initial sender. Which brings us back to the original question, how do you know? And then, sometimes you don't really *want* to know the answer, and so take refuge in ambiguity. Kind of like an acceptance email, or deciding whether or not to check for admissions letters. Sometimes it's almost unbearable to find out.

[godream.livejournal.com]

See, for myself I pretty much always *do* want to know. Even if it's irrelevant or it's going to hurt my feelings or cause awkwardness or crush hopes and dreams or whatever, I'd still rather know. It's possible that this is because I'm weird. :P