(no subject)
Nov. 20th, 2003 10:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
godreamlast one in the
streetlight-shadows
and leather,
absorbed in
thought, reflected in puddles.
last one in the
spotlight-dreams
and curtains,
covering the
stars, born in darkness.
last one with the
candle-brightness
and wax,
burning to the
end, spilling over with beginnings.
If you know what this means, feel free to tell me. I wrote it but I'm rather curious myself. I guess it probably has something to do with the play, though. (Don't try clicking on the links off that page; they've named their html files with ampersands and no extensions so the links are spotty at best. I'll fix that for them tomorrow morning. Please ignore any evil laughter you may be hearing at this point.)
My best friend enjambment wouldn't quite work for me. I was trying for double meanings and am not so sure it worked. Tell me what you think of the commas, please please please!
That was version 2: here's the first one. The big difference here is line splits -- this is the more obvious way (I think) to do it but it doesn't do as much to shove double meanings down the reader's throat as I might -- okay, okay, do -- like.
v1:
last one in the streetlight
shadows and leather
absorbed in thought
reflected in puddles.
last one in the spotlight
dreams and curtains
covering the stage lights
created in darkness.
last one in the candlelight
brightness and wax
burning to the end
spilling over with beginnings.
So is the excessive use of the <small> tag annoying you yet?
And is the phrase candlelight-brightness lame or what? I'm gonna change that. Though then I do lose my pretty pattern. Oh well.
This is at least the sixth time I've edited this post. I really need to get a life, and also some sleep.
This is the seventh edit, and the last, really. I just have to gloat over how much my icon works, for once in my life. Okay, done now.
streetlight-shadows
and leather,
absorbed in
thought, reflected in puddles.
last one in the
spotlight-dreams
and curtains,
covering the
stars, born in darkness.
last one with the
candle-brightness
and wax,
burning to the
end, spilling over with beginnings.
If you know what this means, feel free to tell me. I wrote it but I'm rather curious myself. I guess it probably has something to do with the play, though. (Don't try clicking on the links off that page; they've named their html files with ampersands and no extensions so the links are spotty at best. I'll fix that for them tomorrow morning. Please ignore any evil laughter you may be hearing at this point.)
My best friend enjambment wouldn't quite work for me. I was trying for double meanings and am not so sure it worked. Tell me what you think of the commas, please please please!
That was version 2: here's the first one. The big difference here is line splits -- this is the more obvious way (I think) to do it but it doesn't do as much to shove double meanings down the reader's throat as I might -- okay, okay, do -- like.
v1:
last one in the streetlight
shadows and leather
absorbed in thought
reflected in puddles.
last one in the spotlight
dreams and curtains
covering the stage lights
created in darkness.
last one in the candlelight
brightness and wax
burning to the end
spilling over with beginnings.
So is the excessive use of the <small> tag annoying you yet?
And is the phrase candlelight-brightness lame or what? I'm gonna change that. Though then I do lose my pretty pattern. Oh well.
This is at least the sixth time I've edited this post. I really need to get a life, and also some sleep.
This is the seventh edit, and the last, really. I just have to gloat over how much my icon works, for once in my life. Okay, done now.
