godream

As many of you know, I work at the local library. Granted, as a mere page, involved in mostly the ongoing fight against creative reshelving (you wouldn't believe what kids -- and adults! -- come up with), but I've heard enough from the librarians that this made me laugh. Not to mention this list of gems like "Pokemon Ruby and the Normal Distribution" and "I Know Why the Caged Bird Constructs Inscribed, Cicumscribed and Escribed Circles for a Triangle" and this one of possible library notices from a few places you might recognize. Then there's this beginner's guide to libraries. And if my friend Karen actually read this, this would be where I'd make a witty comment unintelligible to anyone but me and her. And maybe Ann and Dana.

I'll stop now, really, and let anyone who hasn't fled in fear of the geekiness peruse further on their own. :)

Alternatively -- if you're the kind of person who'd rather watch the movie -- I thought this was amusing, and I didn't even *watch* the Oscars...

If you play/played Animal Crossing, you'll probably find this amusing. (Or maybe you've seen it before, as it's relatively old.)

From the first entry:

"At approximately 10:00pm September 17th, I left the big city and began to melt into the countryside. On the train to Adamsvil, I met a simple cat named Rover. Already I am suspicious... a cat with a dog's name? When I reveal that I have no place to live, he slips to the back of the car and calls a "friend" of his named Tom Nook. Sounds like a scam, and when I meet Tom, I figure out why. My new crib costs 18,000 Bells, and Nook expects me to work for him to pay it off.

"Nook sets me up with all sorts of stupid jobs, most of which require running back and forth across town delivering things. In between errands, I introduce myself to the other townsfolk. I let them do all the talking so they'll like me and not ask too many personal questions. ... To keep up appearances, I even visited the Police Station. The patrol officer seems sharp, but the desk clerk inside is a fool. I cleaned out his Lost and Found box. I've also travelled to a small island to the south, Dred Island. There's an abandoned shack there I plan to use as a safehouse, in case I need to hide out again.

"...At about midnight, old Nook calls me in and tells me he has no more work for me. So I figure, this is it, only one of us is getting out of here alive... but he laughs and says he's willing to buy stuff from me now. I briefly consider clubbing him and heading to Dred Island with that Space Shuttle model he has in the back, but then I consider the value of my seashell collection..."

This is an intriguing and creative opening sentence. It hooks you from the beginning, piqueing your interest in both the essay and in myself as a prospective student. This paragraph goes on to describe a specific event tied into one of the many unique interests I feel passionately about. Here, I relate how I played a central role in either losing or winning some significant event in the field I am discussing. (Either that, or I discuss the death of a family member, but even I have the taste not to mock that, much.) I begin in medias res and use only active sentences, helping to engage you, the reader, in the occurence.

In this second paragraph, I tell you how this event affected the team with whom I have worked closely with toward the goal we either met or failed to meet in the first paragraph. I explain how I demonstrated leadership of my peers, but balance this with modest assertions of how I couldn't have done it without the group. I relate briefly how hard we had all worked toward this moment, and express our joy in either triumphing or having done our best.

Next, I discuss how this event affected me. In exciting and/or heartfelt sentences, I tell you how much it meant to me and how great its influence has been. I mention my family's support, love, and care. I may throw in a simile or two like spices to liven up the writing, but not so many as to waste my precious word count. Perhaps I even admit to a little self-doubt, so that you realize I am truly a down-to-earth and realistic person, in spite of my many extraordinary aspects. Finally, I tell you how having experienced this has changed my view of life and the way I choose to live. With simple, eloquent language, I provide the moral to my story and leave you deeply moved by my words.

In this concluding paragraph, I wrap up the topic at hand. I mention quickly all the points previously set out, in case the board of reviewers is only reading the last paragraph to save time and because it's good structure to do this anyways. I recant the ideas that have made you feel that I am intelligent, kind, moral, and deserving of heaps of superlative adjectives as well as a letter of admission to your school. My second to last sentence neatly sums up everything presented so far in this essay and expresses a hope for the future. And now that you are off your guard, my last sentence adds a twist and a new perspective on the content that leaves this essay and the student it represents stuck firmly in your mind, hopefully setting me apart from the many bland and identical applicants and ensuring my swift acceptance to the college of my choice.



...The sad thing is how much I wish I had the nerve to actually send this (it's the right word count for the common app...), and how much time I spent composing it instead of writing real essays.

If you found this at all amusing, you might want to go read This is the Title of the Lunch Message, Which Appears Several Times Within the Lunch Message Itself, which is much funnier than this. You'll have to scroll down a bit, it's worth it.

Being the slow person I occasionally am, I've just now discovered metaquotes. Full of LOTR stuff recently, including some of the funniest "spoilers" ever. That made my day.

You know what would really appeal to my sense of irony?

If being a poser (or for the pretentious, poseur) came into style. Think of it: the posers are cool, but what about the people who are posing at being a poser? I'm thinking they're even cooler.

I'm telling you, with how weird fashion seems to get, it's not that improbable.

I have a new favorite website.

Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! _{... yes, those were all different links.}

and best (in the strangest sense of the word) of all:

Look!

... In that first sentence I had to suppress the urge to type "an" instead of "a", because it was right before the anchor tag. You know, (a href = ... ? I mean, a is a vowel... yes, yes I'm a freak.


Does anyone know anything about the new Eve 6 CD I've heard about? How is it?