oh yeah, and... [poetry & desperate plea]

[godream]

Planning on submitting the following semi-old piece to this issue of the school's lit magazine. I think I've a few minor edits to make before I do that, but... I'm still totally desperate for feedback of any sort, before I throw this to the wolves on the magazine staff to be ripped into tiny little pieces. Please?


leaving the ocean

an hour of sunshine
has dried the water
leaving only stiff salt
crackling in your hair
parting from dark waves
that grabbed you, twisted
submerged you helpless
dashed you to the sandy bed
where you lay as the waves receded
frothing back to the rocks
you staggered
to the bright umbrella
and lay pondering
and then forgot.