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what's the homesickness equivalent?
Jul. 8th, 2008 10:31 pmThings I didn't realize I was going to really, really miss about MIT: living with lots of people who enjoy a good intellectual discussion/argument, who like devil's-advocating other points of view, and who're willing/able to make smart, logical arguments and acknowledge when a point is backed up by emotions/traditions rather than logic/facts (not that that totally invalidates it, just that it means you can't reason with it).
Writing from a different East Coast...
Jun. 21st, 2008 05:20 pmWhew.
Ireland is gorgeous in all the ways it's supposed to be: lush rolling green hills and plains, friendly local brogue, stark cliffs and curling beaches. London is intense and busy and ancient, turning the corner past the cutely-named cafe to be confronted with stones dating back hundreds of years, pausing to marvel and shaken out of it by impatient car horns. Stonehenge is -- god, Stonehenge is going to drive me to poetry sometime soon, both the site itself and the industry of it. Ditto Bath, the Ring of Kerry, the Book of Kells, etc, etc, etc. (Did I mention the tour of Trinity College given by a good-looking student with a hot accent? Oh yes. Mmm history and architecture and superstition and libraries and accent.) European drivers are (still) totally insane, a condition possibly brought on by the tight twisting narrow shoulderless European roads. All in all it's been a strange combination of "just like home" and "totally different", sometimes venturing into whatever you'd call the uncanny valley of traveling. When I come home (or maybe on the plane) I'm going to start writing everything I can remember down, but in the meantime I've been trying to focus on just enjoying the moment.
Ah, and meanwhile: those of you who know me know I have some ... control issues. (And stress issues.) Those of you who know me well know where I inherited them from. And I can't believe none of you expressed skepticism when I said I was traveling with my mom. Turns out having the same problem is not the same as knowing how to deal with the problem. Fortunately we have not yet killed each other. By this point, we might even be enjoying each other's company.
I'll be at the dorm again Monday to pack up for a month at home (by which I mean a month visiting my brother and friends in DC and hopefully an old friend in NH and maybe others and hanging around EC illegitimately and going to CA for training to start work). And then real work at the Cambridge office starts 8/11 (hopefully I'll have a sublet to move into on 8/10 and move into the real apartment 9/1).
Now, I swear I scheduled relaxation in over this summer somewhere, but I can't quite seem to figure out where...
Annnnnd now my mom is snoring, so I guess it's time to pack the laptop up and get some sleep before our last day of adventuring (tomorrow's just gonna be all airport, all the time).
Ireland is gorgeous in all the ways it's supposed to be: lush rolling green hills and plains, friendly local brogue, stark cliffs and curling beaches. London is intense and busy and ancient, turning the corner past the cutely-named cafe to be confronted with stones dating back hundreds of years, pausing to marvel and shaken out of it by impatient car horns. Stonehenge is -- god, Stonehenge is going to drive me to poetry sometime soon, both the site itself and the industry of it. Ditto Bath, the Ring of Kerry, the Book of Kells, etc, etc, etc. (Did I mention the tour of Trinity College given by a good-looking student with a hot accent? Oh yes. Mmm history and architecture and superstition and libraries and accent.) European drivers are (still) totally insane, a condition possibly brought on by the tight twisting narrow shoulderless European roads. All in all it's been a strange combination of "just like home" and "totally different", sometimes venturing into whatever you'd call the uncanny valley of traveling. When I come home (or maybe on the plane) I'm going to start writing everything I can remember down, but in the meantime I've been trying to focus on just enjoying the moment.
Ah, and meanwhile: those of you who know me know I have some ... control issues. (And stress issues.) Those of you who know me well know where I inherited them from. And I can't believe none of you expressed skepticism when I said I was traveling with my mom. Turns out having the same problem is not the same as knowing how to deal with the problem. Fortunately we have not yet killed each other. By this point, we might even be enjoying each other's company.
I'll be at the dorm again Monday to pack up for a month at home (by which I mean a month visiting my brother and friends in DC and hopefully an old friend in NH and maybe others and hanging around EC illegitimately and going to CA for training to start work). And then real work at the Cambridge office starts 8/11 (hopefully I'll have a sublet to move into on 8/10 and move into the real apartment 9/1).
Now, I swear I scheduled relaxation in over this summer somewhere, but I can't quite seem to figure out where...
Annnnnd now my mom is snoring, so I guess it's time to pack the laptop up and get some sleep before our last day of adventuring (tomorrow's just gonna be all airport, all the time).
(no subject)
Jun. 7th, 2008 10:46 pmKind of dizzying -- lots of stuff to be happy about, lots of stuff to be nervous about, lots of stuff to be sad about, lots of stuff to look forwards to. Transitions are hard.
In other news -- I lost my passport, tore apart my room for upwards of an hour looking for it, to the extent that I was very seriously panicking about not being able to go and all the money that would be wasted and how sad I would be and so on and so forth. And then I found it, and oh god was I relieved. Nothing makes you appreciate going somewhere awesome like being faced with the idea of not being able to go. (Possible photo-travel-blogging may occur on my flickr -- if so I'll link from here. We'll see.)
(That said, it also gives me a new appreciation for how creepy it is that you can't even leave the country without documentation...)
In other news -- I lost my passport, tore apart my room for upwards of an hour looking for it, to the extent that I was very seriously panicking about not being able to go and all the money that would be wasted and how sad I would be and so on and so forth. And then I found it, and oh god was I relieved. Nothing makes you appreciate going somewhere awesome like being faced with the idea of not being able to go. (Possible photo-travel-blogging may occur on my flickr -- if so I'll link from here. We'll see.)
(That said, it also gives me a new appreciation for how creepy it is that you can't even leave the country without documentation...)
(no subject)
May. 18th, 2008 11:50 pmWhew.
I finally finished my UAP project, put it online, sent my advisor a link. His comment: "This looks like a great start." Fortunately the second time he said it, he clarified with asking for the source so further work can be done by non-me people, which let me stop freaking out.
I think I'm done with all the things I *need* to graduate.
I have a final tomorrow, but if I didn't take it they'd still give me a degree.
That's pretty exciting, on the whole.
Also,
I finally finished my UAP project, put it online, sent my advisor a link. His comment: "This looks like a great start." Fortunately the second time he said it, he clarified with asking for the source so further work can be done by non-me people, which let me stop freaking out.
I think I'm done with all the things I *need* to graduate.
I have a final tomorrow, but if I didn't take it they'd still give me a degree.
That's pretty exciting, on the whole.
Also,
Nightshifting
May. 17th, 2008 11:24 pmIn spite of my love for sunlight, I seem to have become completely incapable of getting anything done while it's light out. Hopefully I will manage to quash this development sometime soonish, because I hear that's a tiny bit less acceptable in the real world than in college.
(eta: The upside to coding while a little out-of-it and alone is that when every little step forward feels like a serious victory, I feel absolutely no self-consciousness about pumping my fist and swearing loudly and triumphantly...)
(eta: The upside to coding while a little out-of-it and alone is that when every little step forward feels like a serious victory, I feel absolutely no self-consciousness about pumping my fist and swearing loudly and triumphantly...)
Woooooooooo!
May. 16th, 2008 07:41 amDraft of 6.UAP project finished (give or take a screenshot or two) and emailed off to official supervisor and to grad student -- this is the last thing standing between me and a degree. It's not great, I'm not going to wave it around with pride and joy, but you know, *I'd* give it a passing grade, more or less. So I may yet be getting out of here alive.
And now for a couple hours of quality nightshifted sleep.
And now for a couple hours of quality nightshifted sleep.
Yikes, I hear birdsong outside already.
I haven't pulled an all-nighter since last summer, but it's kind of terrifying how fast it comes back, complete with all the tricks I use to attempt to assure productive all nighters. Drink lots of liquids to stave off the headache, bright lights to fool the internal clock, take a break to pace or post when I stall out, leave the door open (once it's quiet enough that it won't be distracting) to shame me out of stopping work to watch tv or whatever.
Also, evidently the best prep for an all-nighter is my strategy of the last few weeks of getting enough sleep every single night. (Sadly, often this is not a practical strategy.)
Oh, MIT. You had to get that last couple punches in, huh?
Back to coding.
I haven't pulled an all-nighter since last summer, but it's kind of terrifying how fast it comes back, complete with all the tricks I use to attempt to assure productive all nighters. Drink lots of liquids to stave off the headache, bright lights to fool the internal clock, take a break to pace or post when I stall out, leave the door open (once it's quiet enough that it won't be distracting) to shame me out of stopping work to watch tv or whatever.
Also, evidently the best prep for an all-nighter is my strategy of the last few weeks of getting enough sleep every single night. (Sadly, often this is not a practical strategy.)
Oh, MIT. You had to get that last couple punches in, huh?
Back to coding.
(We discover that we are going to be visiting family in Iowa, not Nebraska.)
Brother #2: "So... Iowa has corn too, right?"
Brother #1: "Did you know that 80% of corn in America goes to feed cattle?"
Me: "Yeah, well, you know what's delicious?"
All three of us, promptly, in unison: "CATTLE."
( At home and out of context. )
Brother #2: "So... Iowa has corn too, right?"
Brother #1: "Did you know that 80% of corn in America goes to feed cattle?"
Me: "Yeah, well, you know what's delicious?"
All three of us, promptly, in unison: "CATTLE."
( At home and out of context. )
(no subject)
May. 7th, 2008 11:30 pmPromoting opera on the Colbert Report -- my favorite bit was the part about who wins in a fight, the soprano or the mezzo? (Which is clearly the opportunity to provide my favorite generic opera plot description: "the story of a soprano and the tenor who must overcome the baritone to have her." Generally amusingly accurate.)
Couldn't bring myself to drag my lazy carcass out of bed till I'd gotten a good ten hours of sleep this "morning", which was definitely not the plan, and then accidentally took a four-hour "nap" this afternoon, and now I'm exhausted and ready to sleep again. Given that I've been mostly feeling much more solid and put-together and non-broken emotionally, seems like this whole thing where I feel like I need to spend more than half my time asleep (plus the lingering sickness) is not in fact a depression thing, so Friday I go over to Medical and try to persuade them to test me for mono and maybe strep. I'm not sure what a diagnosis would get me, because any more bed rest than I'm currently getting and they'll have to declare me comatose, and this is not exactly a time of year that lends itself to "please give me an extension on the projects I have due because it turns out I have a legit reason for sleeping all the time instead of doing work" -- but it would be kind of nice to know. Or maybe I'm just crazy.
Okay, a little more work and a little studying and then I sleep again...
Couldn't bring myself to drag my lazy carcass out of bed till I'd gotten a good ten hours of sleep this "morning", which was definitely not the plan, and then accidentally took a four-hour "nap" this afternoon, and now I'm exhausted and ready to sleep again. Given that I've been mostly feeling much more solid and put-together and non-broken emotionally, seems like this whole thing where I feel like I need to spend more than half my time asleep (plus the lingering sickness) is not in fact a depression thing, so Friday I go over to Medical and try to persuade them to test me for mono and maybe strep. I'm not sure what a diagnosis would get me, because any more bed rest than I'm currently getting and they'll have to declare me comatose, and this is not exactly a time of year that lends itself to "please give me an extension on the projects I have due because it turns out I have a legit reason for sleeping all the time instead of doing work" -- but it would be kind of nice to know. Or maybe I'm just crazy.
Okay, a little more work and a little studying and then I sleep again...
As a average-sized totally-not-intimidating-looking blonde girl who gets pretty nervous walking alone at night, it makes me kind of happy to hear the guys behind me who've been trying to shove their way to the front of the concert crowd mutter about "that girl in the green shirt just won't budge". To which I kinda turned and smiled and shrugged -- because they were right behind me and how could I not hear? -- and kept holding my ground. Stand near the mosh pit at ska shows and rock shows stop being a big deal, I guess?
(I might feel like a bit of a jerk for it, since they were allegedly trying to get to their friends, except they were also just as casually saying "we can shove the girl in blue a little" about one of my friends. And they were taller than me, so I wouldn't have been able to see anything past them.)
The band was Third Eye Blind, and they were pretty kickass. I wasn't close enough to really watch what they were doing (my ideal concert experience involves staring at guitarists' hands) but they were incredibly energetic and the crowd was really into it. Lots of old hits and a bunch of new songs. I'd never seen them live before, and I really liked it -- they played most songs pretty straight but they weren't afraid to screw around a little and they clearly adored being in front of a crowd and were pretty adept at closing that crowd-band-crowd-band energy feedback loop.
(I might feel like a bit of a jerk for it, since they were allegedly trying to get to their friends, except they were also just as casually saying "we can shove the girl in blue a little" about one of my friends. And they were taller than me, so I wouldn't have been able to see anything past them.)
The band was Third Eye Blind, and they were pretty kickass. I wasn't close enough to really watch what they were doing (my ideal concert experience involves staring at guitarists' hands) but they were incredibly energetic and the crowd was really into it. Lots of old hits and a bunch of new songs. I'd never seen them live before, and I really liked it -- they played most songs pretty straight but they weren't afraid to screw around a little and they clearly adored being in front of a crowd and were pretty adept at closing that crowd-band-crowd-band energy feedback loop.
(no subject)
Apr. 13th, 2008 09:47 pmToday we got real live professional musicians to subject themselves to our midterm projects for 21M.303. It was incredibly cool -- it's always amazing to hear something you've written played with the real instrumentation, not just midi faking it, but also they really really knew what they were doing and had insight both in their playing and in their comments after. Comments into how our pieces (minuet & trio form) did and didn't reflect the period we were trying to emulate, lots of talk about the information in the score besides just the notes (dynamic markings and phrasing and all that) and balancing being helpful with letting players bring their own thoughts in, all sorts of other stuff. It was great.
In other news, if you're not reading Shadow Unit, you totally should be. It's crime drama (I don't even *like* this genre) with an edge of something scifi or supernatural, scary and suspenseful and wrenching and funny and thoughtful all by turns, a group project of a bunch of pro sff writers. They've conceived of it as fan fiction for a TV show that doesn't exist, which is all sorts of interesting in and of itself, but if you're not into the meta then it's still fantastic read as a bunch of short stories. Start at the beginning with their first episode Breathe, and when you get through their latest episode and go "wait, that's all I get for now?" you can move on to searching the site for the dvd-extra style bonus material and other interesting stuff.
(and now I am off to read their latest.)
In other news, if you're not reading Shadow Unit, you totally should be. It's crime drama (I don't even *like* this genre) with an edge of something scifi or supernatural, scary and suspenseful and wrenching and funny and thoughtful all by turns, a group project of a bunch of pro sff writers. They've conceived of it as fan fiction for a TV show that doesn't exist, which is all sorts of interesting in and of itself, but if you're not into the meta then it's still fantastic read as a bunch of short stories. Start at the beginning with their first episode Breathe, and when you get through their latest episode and go "wait, that's all I get for now?" you can move on to searching the site for the dvd-extra style bonus material and other interesting stuff.
(and now I am off to read their latest.)
(no subject)
Apr. 13th, 2008 06:05 am5:41am -- bad time for mystery phone calls, or the worst time for mystery phone calls? (grr.)
file under "bitter and old"
Apr. 9th, 2008 12:03 amSo one month later, the moral of the story is:
In the end, it's not his job to take care of me any more.
In fact, it wasn't ever his job.
That means that I need to recognize when my emotional needs take priority, and I need to take care of myself, and I need to watch out for myself -- even watch out for myself first, because nobody else is going to do that.
And doing that is a good thing. It's a selfish thing, but it's also a good thing. There is an intersection.
It seems obvious, but it isn't.
In the end, it's not his job to take care of me any more.
In fact, it wasn't ever his job.
That means that I need to recognize when my emotional needs take priority, and I need to take care of myself, and I need to watch out for myself -- even watch out for myself first, because nobody else is going to do that.
And doing that is a good thing. It's a selfish thing, but it's also a good thing. There is an intersection.
It seems obvious, but it isn't.
Hilarious April Fool's lecture, courtesy of course 6:
Also in the file-under-awesome-to-me-at-least category, although probably less of interest to anyone else,
Also in the file-under-awesome-to-me-at-least category, although probably less of interest to anyone else,
(no subject)
Mar. 19th, 2008 11:43 pmFound the Beth Amsel CD; while listening to one of the tracks it occurred to me that there's this one almost-cliche-idea that n years from now, nobody will quite get: the pay phone song. You know what I mean -- the compressed story of "I'm standing here at this pay phone, I'm calling you, I don't have long to talk, and I'm miles and miles from home." I'm totally positive that I've heard other songs of the sort, but I can't think of them off the top of my head...
(which is not to say that's all there is to this particular example, of course.)
In other news: PE requirement accomplished. *Now* all that's between me and that much-desired piece of paper is my UAP.
(which is not to say that's all there is to this particular example, of course.)
In other news: PE requirement accomplished. *Now* all that's between me and that much-desired piece of paper is my UAP.
