godream

(We discover that we are going to be visiting family in Iowa, not Nebraska.)
Brother #2: "So... Iowa has corn too, right?"
Brother #1: "Did you know that 80% of corn in America goes to feed cattle?"
Me: "Yeah, well, you know what's delicious?"
All three of us, promptly, in unison: "CATTLE."

Me: "You're seriously gonna watch this? The only visible part of the summary said 'gross-out gags'..."
Brother #1: "Yeah, but it's got Ryan Reynolds in it, he's hot."
*pause for IMDB*
Me: "Not really."
Brother #1: "Yes he is, go find a picture of him shirtless."
Me: "Fine... google images, ryan reynolds shirtless..."
*both brothers immediately come look over my shoulder with great interest*
(note that neither of these brothers are actually the bi brother)

Sister: "I hate t-mobile."
Me: "Why, you can't get goopy text messages from your boy?"
Sister: (annoyed) "*No!* ... I can't send them."

Sister: "My phone doesn't know the word 'nipples' ... ... ... not that I'm talking about that."

Sister: "Molten cupcake could spew into my eye and I would be blinded! And I wouldn't be able to pursue my career of choice."
Brother #1: "Which is..."
Sister: (hurt) "Artist!"
Me: "... You could sculpt."
Brother #2: "... Or fingerpaint. Lots of people can fingerpaint."

Sister: "Want some of my spermcake?"

Sister: "... you guys, Mom licked the frosting off."