godream

I love metaphors. Somehow, nine times out of ten, when I explain something it turns out to be "see, it's like this, because:". Linked lists are like treasure hunts, iterators are a kid following the clues. And when I talk I use my hands a lot -- I was explaining this afternoon to a teacher how come she had to save images to the web server, and somehow I couldn't without extravagant gestures. "You have to save here" -- points toward server room -- "as opposed to there" -- waving in general direction of math hall and pi server -- "because then all these people can see it" -- gesture encompassing the room, and the world at large -- "as opposed to just the math department." Hands together, small. ... That was actually the version with only the relevant gesticulation, there was about twice that much IRL.

And the thing is: obviously most of what's happening on the net has nothing to do with where physically the servers live. And it isn't even computers in separate rooms where I have to do this. Arrays? You've got a square box here, see, and a line of numbered square boxes next to them. Here and here and here. Then you've got square objects that you can put in boxes, one two three, and circle objects that won't fit without chopping off bits of them (make sure you imagine an appropriate gesture here).

Because computers are metaphors, and it helps me, I guess, no matter how much I love the beige suckers, to physicalize them, just like you say that an object in motion "wants" to continue moving at a constant speed. We understand computers because they are like something, a row of boxes, vaults with keys -- your file system is a metaphor, you know? There isn't really a file cabinet in your computer. A couple years back I read an article about how someone was making up a new metaphor, found myself thinking "well that's silly because that's not how things ARE", but of course they're not.

And just like defining words I guess there's that certain level of comfort, that common denominator that's aimed for because we can understand things in terms of it. (that was a metaphor, wasn't it?) What's a file? It's not a bunch of zeroes and ones: that's not real, in your mind, that's not something you can relate to. It's like a picture, or a document, or maybe a spreadsheet. What's a feeling? It's not neurons firing off in rapid succession, it's not chemical interactions, it's like happiness or sadness. You don't want to go deeper than that because that's the comfort level, the realm of experience, what you know. It's easier to get more complicated, even, than get simpler: this is a program that manipulates files, which is a file itself. This is a different type of image file than that. This is content, bits of bittersweet happiness and not-quite-sadness, a tinge of satisfaction but none of ambition. I can say I understand binary, and I understand neurons, but they're not real. Nethack is real -- far from the physical, from the in theory simple and concrete chips and boards and electrical currents, but I can tell you about it and I know what it is. And maybe I aced the bio test on the nervous system but (even had I not forgotten every word) somewhere deep inside I don't *quite* believe that I am writing this because of the witch's cauldron in my brain. That's not real. Love is real. Neurons are a pretty lie.

So -- essay question: do I think like a poet or a programmer? (Or just another geek with too much time on her hands. Points will be deducted for choosing this answer.)

I just realized when I say metaphor half the time I mean simile. Feel free to interchange the two in your mind to try to make this ramble make sense. Or not.