"fade to yellow"

[godream]

me:
See me.
See me run.
Like a children's book from reality
I flee...

watch me flee.
from you, from youth
from gently loving ghostly reminders
from shadows of magnets
on aged newspaper clippings
"one hundred percent" blood
red ink on spelling tests.

When I pack teddy bears, rubbed bare
from nervous thumbs alone
in the dark for the first time,
it's like I'm still there.

This is my fairy tale:
Closing the attic door I pretend nothing has changed.

---

(Feedback welcomed as always. I think the "blood" doesn't fit but the phrase 'one hundred percent blood' appealed to my sense of wordplay so much I couldn't resist.)

Comments

[merulina.livejournal.com]

I was confused about "blood" at first, and then the english major part of my brain spoke up and said, "Enjambment, dear".

No, I really like it. I don't know if it's meant to, but it makes me all wistful and sad. I'm not sure which part does it, I think it's an overall thing. But, still, thumbs up. I definitely like this one.

You...you're good you.

[godream.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Wistful and sad, maybe bittersweet - yup, that's where I was. Glad to see it came across.

I think I'm completely incapable of placing normal line breaks. It's an enjambment obsession. I want to hit enter at the end of sentences but then my brain goes, "but wait, look, potential double meaning! I can't turn that down!" and I end up starting lines in the middle of sentences. :P I think this is (one of many reasons) why rhyme doesn't work for me -- you have to actually end lines. Pfft. But I'm glad it works, cause I don't think I'd be able to stop even if it didn't. :D