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she wants you to think she is.
black background
splotches of
(you'd like to be)
p!nk
tough and hip
-hop slang
lyrics and shoutouts
(private jokes disguised
secret
agents of your pride
of social animals)
and i read it and laugh
softly (gentler?)
--don't--
you know
if our parents saw
your harsh street language
(not our street: calm, quiet
lane on the nice side of town) they'd
ground you
pull you down
from floating with friends
airy insubstantial
weightless
free?

---

_{fun with line breaks and attempted double meanings: let me know, does it come through? And another question, why is it I'm coming up with all this angsty poetry inspired by AIM, of all things?}

As repayment for depressing myself and everyone else with that list of unattainable goals, here's a comic on the subject of resolutions that cracked me up. Warning: complete geek humor. :)

I tried in vain to post this as a note for you, and failed miserably, so it's here instead.

RYN, and as Cassandra, you just have to watch out for those jealous, paranoid wives with axes. :P

And, while we're on the subject of Homer, I've found this Iliad: The Musical thing, including such songs as "Criminally Insane and Mentally Obtuse" and "Pi", complete with midis. Impressive, in a funny scary way. There are very silly people out there with more free time than me! Planning to peruse that one in depth later, as I've been informed that I must go clean the sunroom now... bah.

Stolen again from the adroit Wolf Woman...

1. What is your biggest flaw?
I procrastinate. Lots. For example, I have all my real classes tomorrow and the homework done for, let's see, maybe two out of five? And I'm doing surveys.

2. Are you willing to admit to something you know you did wrong?
Yes. But I won't take the blame for something I *didn't* do, even if it's minor, in order to appease the world at large.

3. What is the biggest misconception people get about you?
Possibly that I'm sane.

4. If your name was based on your personality what would it be?
I was gonna go look up something with a meaning of intelligent, but then I discovered every female name remotely related to the idea has more connotations of wise, which is not me. Names like "Prudence". Bah. Anyways, then I got distracted by the name Nissa, which evidently is Scandanavian with a meaning along the lines of friendly elf. I think that's cool. Er, what was the question again?

5. What's your birthstone?
Amethyst.

6. Are most people normal?
No, but many would like to think they are. Sheep.

7. If you had to say one thing about your future what would it be?
I hope it's what I hope it'll be, but it probably won't be.

8. If you had to retire to some far off land right at this moment, who would you like to come with you?
My mom, maybe. Though hey, does it have to be people I know? Can I say James Marsters?

-Who would you least like to come with you?
My brother Seifer. Though if it were a desert island I can't think of anyone better sacrificed to cannibalism.

9. Why don't people smile more often?
Cause life sucks sometimes? And because if you smile too much they figure out that you're crazy. (who, me, know this from experience?) And because it's not cool to be content. :P

10. Do you think everything works out in the long run?
Maybe. I won't know till the long run's over anyways, will I?

11. Are you religious?
Yeah. Somewhat spiritual too, isn't it great?

12. What is one thing about why you're either religious or why you're not?
I'm religious cause my parents are, and because it's a community I've become involved in. I'm spiritual because I just believe there's a higher power, though maybe not one I could name and describe.

13. If you are religious, how can you be so sure there is a higher power out there?
Because there is. Because it's easier to believe? Because.

14. If you aren't religious, how can you be so sure there isn't a higher power out there? n/a

15. Are you open to other people's views on religion and life and general, be honest?
I think so, within limits, those being that you can believe whatever the heck you want, knock yourself out, as long as you're not hurting anyone else.

16. Do you leave things up to chance, or are you constantly perfecting and worrying?
I worry. A lot. More than perfecting, which I do more than chancing.

17. What game show would you most like to be on?
Ummmm... Jeopardy maybe? Or how about a game show of my own devising, where all you have to do is show up and they give you lots of money?

18. What game show would you do best on?
Survivor. Or that Joe Millionaire one. Gag me.

19. Do you have a _______ smile?
-movie star: nope
-hillbilly: nope
-game show host: nope
-politican: nope
-escaped convict: heh heh heh... nope
-a innocent child's: nope


20. What are you doing to make sure your dreams come true?
Answering surveys. I'm sure I can make up some farfetched connection between the two eventually.

Every year I wonder why I bother, since I never manage to keep any of these silly things anyways. But here's the list for 2003...

~Write. Something creative or introspective or humorous or at least with a bit of work on it twice a week at least. Diary entries only count if they're reasonably long or thought out or whatever. School stuff doesn't count unless it'd be decent outside the context of the assignment.

~Exercise, semi-regularly at least. If there's one I'm least likely to keep, this is it, but since I'm not very likely to keep any of them it's a rather pointless honor. But it goes on the list anyways, just like every year, in hopes this year will be the one I actually do something about it.

~Get a decent website running. One with actual content and design would be really nice. Good practice as well as personal entertainment and everything.

~Work on that programming stuff of Dad's that I keep putting off. Learn forms, get it down, do that one project I have started. I realize this is vague -- as usual, possible further details later, or maybe not. :)

So that's the list, to be forgotten and abandoned within a week as usual. *rereads previous sentence* Should have put on optimism, too, huh? Ah, well. Those are the goals that I will doubtless fail to achieve in all sorts of amusing ways this year. :P

So is it a bad sign that I've nothing better to do at 12:03 New Year's morning than post this?

So I was over at a friend's house the other night, and she'd downloaded the Buffy musical episode ("Once More With Feeling") from somewhere, and so I finally got to see it -- I loved it, of course. And conveniently enough, as I struggle with bar chords and search for more songs to practice on, what do I find but this. :) Also, lyrics and possibly audio here.

Spent a while trying to play Beth Nielson Chapman's song Happy Girl... I didn't make it to halfway decent, but got at least to the point where it was recognizable. (And I've the aching fingers to prove it.) So that was kinda fun. While I can manage to play the bar chords in that, mostly, I can't do it straight off of the preceding chord. There's this long pause in between chords that I'd like to get good enough to do away with, someday.

Naked Quidditch Match -- HP fanfic, obviously, told through e-mails around Hogwarts, and thoroughly amusing.


And on a different note entirely, Approaching Ragnarok, a bittersweet FFVII semi-vignette about Sephiroth and Zack.

...to convince myself it's halfway worth it to write here when I realize the site is vulnerable to long annoying outages at inopportune times. Bah. Note: Kindly realize that this comment was in reference to FOD, may my diary there RIP.

On the positive side, under three more hours of school till vacation! No more school for the rest of 2002! (Never mind that that consists of what, 11 days.) Yay!

I've got a ton of wrapping and stuff to do before Christmas -- and, crud, a little more shopping for some of my family at my dad's house. Bad Qwerty, procrastinating on shopping.

I guess that one needs a positive comment to balance it out too, so: it seems everyone in school has candy that they are willing to share. This has totally made my day. Also, my friend burned the Buffy "Once More With Feeling" episode onto a CD for me, along with the soundtrack, so I'm all happy and stuff. Yay!

No point to this entry, really. Sorry to waste your time. :P *wanders off to programming class humming "Rest in Peace"*

... I am really going to have to learn bar chords. My hands are relatively large for a girl, and my guitar is relatively small, so the issue is mostly my gross lack of dexterity. Er. I should probably define a bar chord at this point. As you may or may not know, when playing a guitar one normally holds down one string with one finger. With bar chords, one indulges in a bit of finger gymnastics, the goal of which is to press all six strings with one finger laid across the neck of the guitar. It seems easy till you factor in that you have to hold the strings pretty hard, and for me at least the G string tends to sneak up into that indent between the second part of my index finger, so it gets muted instead of played, not to mention that while this little bit of acrobatics is going on you have to simultaneously twist your middle, ring and/or pinky fingers over a fret or two to further modify the notes of some strings. My fingers go on strike when I attempt to get them to do that. This is why I'm terrible at playing guitar. I am, though, getting a kick out of quietly mauling Eve 6's Open Road Song up here in my room, occasionally with the CD accompanying me, or just singing myself. I'll link the tabs I downloaded later; far too lazy now.



And now for something entirely different: The No-Shipper's Anthem, an amusing little piece of Harry Potter fanfic (if you're not too easily insulted.)