godream

Sometimes I really, really hate the world. And at least ninety-five percent of the people in it.

I'm not going to talk about that, though, besides to mention how much simpler the world would be if everyone only yelled about the things they were really angry about, rather than the neat and seemingly logical cover-ups, and if some people had to accept that yes, the rules should apply to them too. Really. And I'm going to resist the urge to add line breaks and call a rant poetry, difficult as it may be. Instead I'm going to ramble about Christmas in an attempt to improve my mood.

So, hurrah for materialism! One of the highlights of the plunder at my mom's house included the Buffy season 5 DVD set, which I've realized has "Fool For Love" and all sorts of other fun Spike episodes. Yay! And I've heard the special features are great. It also has "The Body" which I hate 'cause it makes me cry. I'll probably watch it anyways. :P

Also got a cell phone, which I'm moderately happy about. You have to understand, I hate phones. I'd rather instant message, or email, or talk in person -- anything but phones. This may be because I have terrible hearing and I suck at picking up meaning from tones of voice -- I'm much more of a visual person in spite of also having terrible eyesight. However. Even more than I hate phones, I hate getting left places with no clue whether my ride is just stuck in traffic or if they've forgotten about me or if they're lying dead in a burning wreck somewhere. (So much for the good mood attempt.) So it'll be very, very nice to have a phone so I can nag people when they don't show without feeding change to crackly, picky, and occasionally completely non-functional payphones (did I tell you about the one where I could hear the person on the other end but they couldn't hear me? Yeah, that was fun) and so that they can (hopefully) let me know when they're going to be late. It's a gift along the line of (expensive) socks: entirely practical, though still necessary and appreciated. Or something.

Ooh, and FFX-2! I rented it a few weekends ago and tried desparately to finish it over the space of three days, got to what I think was the last dungeon and died horribly at the hands of a sub-boss several times before I gave up. So now that I own it I'm playing slowly, hitting all the sidequests before I move on -- and there are many, many sidequests. Whee!

So I have a major English project due tomorrow. Therefore, it logically follows that I'm writing here, reading the hilarious profquotes.com, and refreshing my friends list in hopes of finding something brilliant and time-consuming to read.

And this is all in search of inspiration for an incredible project on Hamlet. Really. Or not.

I won't even start on college apps. Or maybe I mean "haven't even started". *semi-hysterical laughter*

This morning in the car on the way to school in the beatup green Explorer truck, we were following a white Explorer. Punchline: "Look, an albino!" (Then it braked, showing that it had the red eyes for it too.)

Well, *I* thought it was funny. Might have something to do with the amount of sleep I've been getting. And if that was your truck, I'm sorry for mocking you.

Dear Long-Distance Girlfriend Of My Crush:

I understand you had him first, really. And obviously the both of you care about each other. But you're far away, so I thought maybe we could work out a time-sharing routine. What do you think?

Sincerely,
Hopelessly Devoted Loser


... On an entirely different and less creepily stalkerish note, I decided for no particular reason that I needed a new AIM ID. I was sure that strygalldwir would be free, but evidently I'm not the only one with a penchant for Roger Zelazny's minor demons. (Though I may be the only one on livejournal.) *dramatic sigh* So I hit the paperback collection and ended up with Semirama, a minor character in The Changing Land, which you should all read if you can find it, though the book may or may not be out of print (my copy dates to 1981). The most memorable of her lines is"Is your entire line cursed, or is it only me?" Heh. And now I just have to figure out how to log on to both accounts at once so I can send myself my buddy list. (130-some people, of whom I talk to perhaps five.) whee!

I had a weird dream last night -- and I never, ever remember my dreams, but I remember one bit of this one, the bit that made it truly a nightmare. I'd changed my LJ layout, and somehow by doing that lost all previous entries and the ability to comment. In the dream, I was practically in tears.

*sigh* I ask for interesting dreams like amoretti's and what do I get? Dreams that I'm betting mean entirely too much of my life revolves around updating this thing.

This seems to be as close to prose-ing as I get lately...

I never did like risk, and I still don't want to tell you. Gambling in so many ways... double or nothing, and I lose your friendship (may I call it that?) if the cards fall wrong. I'd never make a good poker player -- my whole being is one huge tell, subconsciously proclaiming emotion that I've rationalized not telling you about. Say the word and I fold, slinking from the room ashamed of myself for my fear, ashamed of having anything to be afraid of.

And so I've got these scene all planned out in my mind, carefully contrived as an overused metaphor. We'll be playing for pennies at the last event and it won't matter anymore if I win or lose. It won't matter if the music's playing a soft romantic melody or if I have to shout to be heard over the DJ: I love you, I've loved you since the very first time I saw you smile. And I can't dance except for a few thousand flawless imaginary waltzes, but will you hold me so we can both laugh our way through the adolescent mating rituals stranger than anything in a biology textbook?

And maybe you will, and maybe you won't, but by then it won't matter. I'll never have you because I'll never see you again, but I'll have resolution, and I'll have months of carefully-honed fantasies, suitable for insertion of the next knight in shining armor, and I'll have a poem so I can watch (like a car crash, all drama and beautiful flames) and remember how it felt, the sweet illusion of living and dying for a word from you.

the sad thing is? one hundred percent straight from the cliche-ridden heart. well, eighty percent at least, my cynical side has issues with this usage of the word 'love'.

Armed with my clinical definition and my cliched advice I set out to --
what?
Research notwithstanding
I still don't know if I care too much or too little,
and there couldn't be a worse time to ask you.
They say you're drowning
but I can't imagine not knowing how to swim
are you sure you're trying hard enough?
And when you laugh I feel guilty for thinking
there must be nothing wrong.


( huh? )

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give godream more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

So I went to the Thursday robotics meeting tonight, since they're the only ones I can make because the Fountain meeting on Monday is at the same time. I swear they were at the exact same point as last week, meaning they did nothing at all for two hours Monday, and last week I remember noticing that (give or take a pair of wheels) they were in the same place as the week before. (Unless that was Thanksgiving in which case I mean two weeks before.)

Let me slow down and clarify: we are building battlebots, and by the "they" in the previous paragraph, I mean the half-dozen guys on the wedge team. (Which I am on because they would get absolutely nothing done otherwise.) The half-dozen guys on the flipper team have dimensions and tentative locations for internals. We've got a side-view sketch, now, and that's because I drew it today, while the guys made ruler jokes. ("Dude, look at my huuuuuge ruler." "Look at how you're touching my ruler." "Stop playing with your ruler!") Sometimes -- or maybe "always" is the word I'm looking for -- freshman boys drive me crazy. And I'm inclined to think they're all freshmen at heart.